Things has been really bad for me for the past 1 week...yes it must have been worse for some other people but it really aint much better for me... I aint putting any blame on anyone now cos i brought all these to myself.
I so really needed to talk to a friend during this period but i cant find one that i can really talk to properly. Over here, there aint anyone i am really close to and aint anyone that is really one i started knowing with though i hang out with them.
In times of needs, i see the amount of close friends i actually have. Maybe some of them dont understand the severity of the situation so they aint coming to me the way i thought they would. I was wishing to have more care and love from some of my friends but it turned out otherwise. I was crying and crying alone, over here in Barcelona... crying alone in my house... crying alone on the streets, during my class...It's so painful, so torturing, so miserable... There are so many things that can crush me easily now. When I'm alone, on way to sch... in the shower, on my bed, i just keep thinking and thinking till i so gonna go crazy
I lost faith in myself, so many many things running through my head and i so cant take it that i wanted to end my life... thoughts of wanting to run to the middle of the road, cutting my wrist etc. I am not a Christian, i know not much about Christianity but I sat in the cathedral and started praying, for peace, for a direction and for me to be able to believe in myself again and few other things. I needed something to hold on to, to give me strength to give what i needed to do.
I thought of going back Singapore, but things back home might not be better. This is my life's darkest period. I am trying, really trying hard to make things better...maybe not for myself now but at least for people around me first.
Thanks to the 4-5 of u who had cared for me in 1 way or another