quarrelled...

The silent walk back to his place before he sent me home....
The silent drive back to my place..
What lies hidden behind that silence are 2 souls agony..

Yes... lots of friends said
"what a great guy he is"
"He is really nice.."
"so mushy la you two.."
I agree with all those statements..
In fact, he is the best thing that had happened to me till this far..
But recently somehow ill feelings just keep popping up.

Stop thinking that i am the demanding type of girlfriend !( if you think that i am right now )
I am just a poor lil girl.. who has been through that hurtful shit..
and afraid that it might all happened again..
The long relationship i had..
The strong friendship i had built up..
All just came smashing down..
I had forgiven.. but i just cant simply forget..
No...
but i want to..
But its so difficult..

Friends are very important to me..
but yet that had happened..
i m not blaming those party who had caused that to happen.
no.. i am not..
I just cant bring myself to stop thinking that history might repeat again..
the Fear in me is still there..

Im not saying that Alvin will commit the similar relationship crime..
You cant blame me for being so oh-sensitive about lil things..
when i had been so terribly hurt before..
After then.. this is my first relationship..
after recovering and getting over it during the 2 years of singlehood..

You might pity him..
and think that its unfair to him..
yes i agree.. its indeed unfair..

but what about me??
It's so frustrating to fight a battle against yourself
Its so exasperating to kp making yourself and ur love one upset.

I am sorry Baby..
But I need time..
to suppress all this..
to convince myself that we will do fine..
to stop worrying about those stuffs that you cant control about.
I hope you understand that its really difficult...

I had a nightmare again..the same type..she comes along..disturbing our relationship..
Why?? Why that much of insecurities in me..?? Sobz...

I told you before.. that you might not be able to stand it..I hope u do understand what i m feeling..